Monday, August 22, 2011

Postcards from the Edge of Traction

The following documents experiences from the Cycle-Smart cyclocross clinic in Massachusetts.


Day 1, Morning Session
Dear Mum,
I have arrived at the Cycle-Smart clinic. As the clinic is relatively short, I do not believe that a care package will be necessary, nor sending an extra set of pajamas. We did skills training this morning, revealing my technique of the past three years is dangerous at best. This photograph best illustrates my mastery of blowing a holeshot lead; narrowly avoiding dental work. As it is my understanding that my insurance does not cover cycling induced extractions, nor any associated reconstructive procedures, I am proceeding to alter my technique per Adam Myerson's suggestion.
Son


Day 1, Afternoon Session
Dear Mum,
Adam is not as mean as his pictures. Since we were doing cornering in the afternoon with a strong emphasis on my chocolate-side turns (I like vanilla), I felt confident he would be yelling at me until I cried. Or entangled myself in barbed wire. Neither happened, nor did I slip and call him Otto.
Son

Day 1, Evening Lecture
Dear Mum,
Although one can collect much data on physical performance, tonight we learned that there is no device to measure Normalized Power for your life. I think it would be useful information, charting it against my heart rate, EEG and time sheet from work.
Son


Day 2, Morning Session
Dear Mum,
You will be pleased to know that Adam did not have to sacrifice one of the juniors to the rain gods to create muddy, sketchy conditions for practice. The gods took it upon themselves to provide, but it was nice to know the clinic had a backup plan. We also had bunny-hop demonstration from Grand Master Matt, so I may need to carry a special rider on that insurance I mentioned yesterday.
Son


Day 2, Afternoon Session
Dear Mum,
Just completed two hot laps, (before you say it- you're thinking of a lap dance) and nearly had a Julie Moss experience at the top of the first lap but held off. It would appear that there are two common traits in elite riders: ink and piercing. To the best of my hypoxic recollection, everyone who came around me, like rats out of aqueduct, had both. Even though Al's art may not be as overt as others, I remain convinced it's there. And, I cannot possibly ask him where his piercing may reside. Intend on swinging through NoHo on the way home to rectify the issue.
Son

Thank you to all the instructors at Cycle-Smart for an enjoyable weekend. Please note that if you, the reader, will be racing Masters 45+  at anytime in the next 5-10 years, the clinic was awful, not applicable and pretty much a huge waste of time.

No comments: