Monday, September 5, 2011

Racin' after Fashion

When it[defeat] comes, I won’t even notice it...I’ll be too busy looking good.
–Jim Kelly, Enter the Dragon

Today we explore the fashion of racing cyclocross. Specifically, its most quintessential garment, the skinsuit. What, when, why after often asked, but as Fernando affirms, looking good is better than feeling good, and since we all know how we will feel during the race, let go of the inquiries and let's just get on to looking marvelous.
Proper technical racing apparel is important. Just ask Samantha.
Example: Cipo has often been too good at racing after fashion. Although, if he had the choice, he expressed a preference to work not wearing any clothes. It's our conclusion that he tried to capture some of this porn-star spirit, and then some, in this example of the clothes that he was required to wear in his, then present, line of work.
Cipo's Sans-Skin Suit
But let's face it: Racing en croute, donning that stretchy phyllo coverall, is the only choice in haute couture cross dressing. No pockets to get caught on the run up, no baggie jersey to droop in when plastered in wet mud. Would that make me gooey Brie or Salmon? Or Wellington? Mmmm, triple cream.
Continual debate rages on the shoulds and should nots on physical proportions when it comes to donning the lycra onesie. Hey, the fabric is designed to expand and contract just like the natural casings at the sausage machine. And we like sausage. Besides, I have never had to bear witness to a muffin top with a skinsuit. And nothing will make you feel more like a superhero.
At least he's wearing bib shorts...
Next, is there an age limit on superhero-wear? When do we transform from youthful, athletic racer to creepy old guy with his junk on display? Is this just for boy-toys? Hey, I'm not only talking to the twig and berries crowd out there, I have researched articles in a magazine named 'Cosmopolitan' that may suggest that females have a certain awareness of their perceived body type. One word- DEAL. It's like freshman spring over again and we're all puttin' it out there. Ditch the sweater wrap around the waist and shake that money maker. (Insert inappropriate 90's rap song here, check baby, check baby, one two three) Bottom line: go the skinsuit route and have no shame.  Wear it loud and wear it proud, don't go skulking up to the line, don't wear a full track warm-up suit until the whistle blows.  ROCK IT. If it means the need too add piercings and ink, awesome. If it means glitter nails and hair extensions, do it.

Was Tim too self-conscious by taking a Sharpie to his kit? Discuss.
After all, is it really that much more revealing than lycra shorts and jersey? Did you think that you were hiding something behind that 'club fit'? Remember everyone watching is more focused on beer consumption and yelling. Just like freshman spring break! Holy crap, the season is upon us!

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